Ten Things Grieving Children Want You To Know

1. Children want to be told the truth about the death:

• Tell them in age-appropriate and direct language
• Ask them if they have any questions and clear up misconceptions

2. Children look to you as a role model for how people grieve:

• Share your feelings with them as long as they are relieved of the task of having to “fix it”
• Each child will grieve in their own unique way
• They will grieve alone in an effort to shield you from their pain

3. Children want to talk about their person who died:

• They need you to tolerate listening when they tell their story or share their feelings
• They fear that they will forget their loved one

4. Children express their emotions through play and behaviors which may be problematic for you:

• They can’t always tolerate intense emotions or know how to talk about them
• They might make decisions you don’t agree with
• They need to take breaks from their grief and engage in age appropriate activities.

5. Children need to know who would take care of them if you could not:

• They may fear for your safety especially when you are apart

6. Children benefit from being included in mourning rituals:

• Your child needs the opportunity to participate in ongoing rituals
• Rituals aid in their understanding of death

7. They need you to help them feel safe:

• Provide clear and consistent boundaries, limits and expectations
• Give them room to safely interact with peers and adults outside of the family

8. They need to be taught coping strategies:

• Include ways to comfort themselves in your absence

9. Children need to be included when making decisions:

• About how to celebrate holidays, birthdays and anniversaries
• About other family circumstances such moving or changing schools.

10. Children need you to take care of yourself: they will only adapt as well as you do.